I have a 20 year old daughter. Last child, only daughter. She has driven me crazy for the last three years and just about ruined my marriage. If I tell you the things she says to me, you'd suspect I was either lying or nuts or both. She has physically attacked me twice, threatened to kill me, called me eveything you can think of, and demeaned me every way possible and then some. My health has suffered, my self esteem has suffered. I hung on until she graduated. I hung on while her elder brother got married. I kept thinking my husband would come to the party and put her out. I left last summer and moved into an apartment when she came home from school. I have been suicidal. Left on numerous trips. He supports her and won't back me up. I continue to go to therapy. We are in couples therapy. Both therapists tell him he needs to give her consequences for her actions. Every holiday she ruins. Every vacation she calls her Dad and he spends time with her on the phone. THe hotels I have been in left alone while he handles some crisis with her... endless. I have spoken to numerous mental health professionals thinking that she may indeed be bi-polar and have some severe problem. They've all told me the same thing:while she can control herself with her friends and boyfriend, her contempt and anger is focusesd on me. So, whatever the problem is, she has the capacity to control it. I am about to turn 55 and facing this issue with my daughtger and husband for the rest of my life. After three years, I don't want to do this anymore. Both my parents are ill. I have two sons. No fulltime job, but I am more than willing to walk away from my marriage and my daughter. I think she's been over indulged. What do you think?

Hello In in Need of Peace: I am unfortunately new to this forum and I am so saddened to read about so many similarities in all our stories. My heart goes out to all the mothers who are heart broken by the actions of their daughters. But, after reading about your story with your adult daughter, I felt hope and joy for you and your family. My daughter is almost 34 years old..she shared a good rapport and relationship with her father and I as well as her younger brother at one point. We raised our children with love, respect and good values. But, her relationship with us changed soon after her marriage...she became distant and the telephone calls became less and less frequent. She lives about 3 hours flight from us in a northern state. She now has two children and we have spent great times with our grandchildren on many occasions, but she is still distant with us..does not call us except when we call her and she makes small conversation. She is rude when she talks to me, almost ridiculing anything I say or do. Anyway, I wanted to ask you how you found the peace, spirituality and your health during the times your daughter was away from you? I would appreciate any advice from you.
Thanks for listening.

my 22 year old hates me...wont even let me communicate with my grandbaby.

i got divorced from their father and was left homeless, he stole my children and took them to another country without my knowledge. when i finally found out, i had no one to help me, alone and homeless, did everything i can to survive. he filed for divorce and won since i was not able to response(he put the divorce in the newspaper listing or sumtin like that. and never sent the divorce papers to me) make the long story short, he was granted everything he asked including full custody. my ex inlaws would not tell me where they were so i had no choice but to sit and wait. finally when my daughter was 18 years old, she contacted me. let me know where they were. a year ago , i finally got to meet her again for the first time since she was 7. when i went to visit, we had that lng talk. and finally told each other what was going on in our lives. She is a mother of a beautiful 1 1/2 year old girl that i love so much. i left every hate i had for their father to God..and forgave , after all my children are back in my life. I am now very sickly, diabetes, heart disease. you name it. Unfortunately i had to leave her and go back home. She and i do not see eye to eye as to the kind of life she have, although its really not that bad, its simple things young kids do, just overspending poorly budgets etc.
and i dont like how her husband treats her. i have been trying to persuade her to come back to where i live with me but she was like i dont want my daughter to grow up like how we did, i want her father and mother to be around while she grows up. which i totally understand. but now she is so mad at mebecause she sent me a picture of my grandbaby around alcohol bottles etc and made a comments about it. she totally dont want nothing to do with me after that. sent back my xmas presents, deleted me off everything. BUT her utilities,cable and internet account are still in my name( they cant get their own because of the credit) and in my heartof hearts i know i should do tough love but i cant imagine having their electric be shut off on winter. btw...her and her man are not married.. my heart aches, she said that that only way for me to see my grandbaby is thru her facebook account which she deleted me...but thank God did not block me. although she always posts how bad of a mother i am.

My 13 year old daughter is just so angry with me....I've tried my best...no doubt I have my faults, and I will own up to them and take full responsibility. I tried counseling...she doesn't talk in or out of counseling. I have worked with troubled youth (young offenders..about 2 years ago) but none so hard as my daughter. She treats me like sh**t She was involved in doing and selling drugs, I called in the police to set her straight...didn't bother her at all, she continued to do as she wished.

I gave up my job (very fortunate to have savings) and moved to a rural area where my sister is living to get her away from city life with no job. (her father loves her but always lies and now will justify her actions her step mom wants her to get her belly pierced ..just for some background info). She treats me like garbage, I expect very little....a occasional thank you, good night when she goes to bed, a good morning when she gets up. Her father says I expect too much.....I just want her to have some appreciation and respect me. I have taken this kid to cuba, florida, new york to mention a few....In her opionion they 'sucked'
I try to be close to her, for example lie down at the opposite end of the couch while watching a movie. She gets up and says "I don't want to touch you!" ....I flew her to her fathers for xmas (her father and i went halves) she said she forgot about 'our xmas dinner' couldn't go cause she had an out of town friend over. she also did not give me anything for xmas or wish me an merry xmas....only time she is happy with me is when I give her something...If I call her on her disrespectful behavior, I'm freaking out!

I am sooooo hurt and love her with all of my heart, I don't know what to do. She is now living with her father who does not experience any of what I have experienced......its heart breaking, I text and email to get no response......its very hard, I don't know what to be doing....please tell me what to do....somebody.....

Courtney,
Your daughter is baiting and manipulating you. Continue to honor yourself and listen to your conscience. In the long run you have to live with yourself and your daughter has to live with herself. Since she is 16, I recommend that you both get counseling. That said, she is old enough to know what she is doing and to choose to do the right thing.

I called my daughter today hoping she would answer but as usual she didn't. I left a message about how important family is and that we would really love to see her this Christmas. She hasn't participated in anything for the last two years, and before that she would be there physically but she was nasty to me the whole time. If anybody has any ideas about this then I hope you share something with me about her. Of course I've heard nothing back from her. Everyone says "oh she'll be back just keep praying about it". Well I've prayed until I'm blue.

Valley Girl, sounds like your daughter may have a sensative personality. You can find all kinds of info on the Internet about it. I have a daughter when is sensative to sound, light, crowds, and she falls apart. They can't handle their emotions. I work my daughter all the time to try and ease her tension, try to help her see what kind of language she is using to express herself but it takes a huge effort on their part to do this. Most times it's easier for them to pop-off with their frustrations.

About the ex, mine was like yours. He divorced me, I caught him in an affair and because he could not let his family or our friends put the blame on him he made me into this monster that I wasn't. He would come in and out of the girls' lives when he desired, no one to count on and certainly not a fatherly figure, didn't pay his measly $50 a month child support for each child. Once the girls were adult though they wanted their dad in their lives and they both moved to where he lives trying to seek his love and approval. It was very hard for me to deal with. I decided it was none of my business, they had to figure it out and I would rather they loved their dad than live with hate in their hearts no matter how absent he was for them when they were small and how bad he treated me, this was about them. I have stayed out of it, they used to tell me things but I finally told them I did not care to hear about their father at all and they understood.

We surrender ourselves for our families and do everything we can to support everyone around us but the person who gets left behind is you. Take care of yourself!

Well, I feel glad and sad to have found this forum...sad that there are so many other moms going through this and glad that I'm not alone. I never would have dreamed that all the effort I put into being a mom would have these results. I have two daughters, and the older one, 20, is an emotional terrorist, the latest because she didn't want me feeding the cats when she wanted to have breakfast. How this affected her, I have no idea, but she expects to call the shots here in every way. She can be a lovely person when she wants to be, but if she doesn't get her way, she gets very nasty and emotionally abusive. Lately there's been a scene at least once a week. She is attending college but living at home; she hopes to move into an apt. with some friends for the next school year, which I support 100%. My husband, her stepfather, and I pay for school and her expenses, including her car. She doesn't have a job but claims she's going to look for one. In the meantime, she lives like a queen here with very little responsibility. I know I've been a complete enabler with her, in part because my own mother was abusive, and I've bent over backwards trying to be different. The other part is that I try to appease everyone all the time to avoid "upsetting the applecart." My daughter has had a difficult relationship with her father, who she talks to every week or so but sees only a few times a year. He moved far away when she was five, so I've raised her and her sister on my own (single mom for 10 years). He's not a nice person and has never been supportive of my parenting even though he released himself of any parental responsibility. He has paid a minimal amount of child support but none of the other expenses he's supposed to share (like medical, and our younger daughter has a medical condition that has cost $$$) and nothing extra at all for the girls. My daughter trashes him all the time to me, but apparently, according to her sister, she's been doing the same about me with him. She just got back from a visit with him, and when I confronted her about this, she didn't deny it and then proceeded to blame all of her problems on both of us, saying we're both horrible parents, blah, blah, blah. I feel so hurt that she would say the things she says. She has never been abused or neglected or mistreated in any way. I feel that she is very manipulative and even narcissistic. The only problem I have with my younger daughter is occasional teenage attitude; she's a great kid overall, so I must have done something right? Anyway, I know my daughter needs to take more responsibility for herself, get a job and move out as soon as possible. I feel like I have no peace in my own home right now.