My 30 year old daughter appears to hate me. She now has cut off all contact and will not allow me to see my 5 year old granddaughter that I have taken care of her whole life. I'm devastated by the loss. I really can identify with strangling my daughter with the need for her approval and love. If anyone has suggestions on how to let go and move on I would very much appreciate it. I do not believe my feelings of sadness and anger are healthy or constructive.

To all the moms, I so understand what you are going thru and dealing with. I have been reading a book, actually several, to get info and try and understand what happens in families.

I hear the same familiar story here.....mom, many times single, busting her tail to do everything for the family, pouring out all of herself to her family, giving everything she has to the child, household and rest of the family.

Has anyone stopped for a minute to think that maybe this is the problem?

Ever have a relationship where the person was dependent on you emotionally, and being with them was strangling? Put that in reverse and think maybe this is what your child is feeling, strangled by mom's need for love and approval from them. Does that makes sense? No, it's kind of messed up isn't it?

When our children enter this world we naturally want to do anything and everything for them. Children learn this, they know best how to push our buttons. Child strives for independence and watch out, the tug-of-war begins.

We need to seek our independence and have a life too. I just finished a book I highly suggest for those who like to read, it was a real eye-opener for me. "Your Erroneous Zones" by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

The book addresses looking at your own behavior and how we react to situations, it talks about all the "shoulds" and obligations in our lives. It tells how women become slaves, and yes is the very word he uses, to their husbands (families) and how nobody likes or respects the slave. Very powerful book!

Yes, it hurts and no it's not easy. Some of us still have obligations at home, we do not want to neglect our children/ families but you reall have to think if giving all of you is healthy and is it what the child needs. Let them find themselves, let them figure things out, stop bailing them out and feeling obligated to help them when they get in a bind. Sure we can listen but that doesn't mean we have to get involved.

Wishing everyone the best!

I have only posted once on here because I am embarrased. Im sorry that all of you are going through this but Im glad Im not the only one. I feel alone quit often. My daughter is 16, she often tells me how much she hates me, she wouldnt care if I died. I ruined her life, all I want is for her to be miserable. She tells me I only talk to her to make her hate me. I have been a single parent her whole life. She is my only child, I have worked every day of her life to give her everything she wants and needs. I think Im a good mom. I forbid her to see a man that was 19 when she was 14, they didnt listen and left me no choice than to press charges. I feel everyday like maybe Im wrong. But then I think, if I dont go through with it that is like saying its ok to to ruin my childs life or maybe even another young girl. He is a low life, no job, does not take care of his kid. Sells and does drugs, I want so much more for my daughter. So I had to chose ruining us to save her. Will she ever understand or have I lost the one and only thing I love forever? I have never felt such pain as I did when those hurtfull words came from her mouth.

Reading threads here of people with 26 year old daughters still getting the same cr** off them breaks my hear! When does it get better!

Lynette, you have described my oldest daughter to a "T." She has been on a rampage to turn everyone she comes in contact against me with continuous lies and manipulation. For the most part, people may fall at first and then they get to know me or her and they get their eyes opened to my daughter's actions. Unfortunately, it has caused traumendous tension in our family and we have kind of all split into our different lives.

When she needs a shoulder to cry on or someone to support her she makes contact. I give her the support she wants and then she turns around and bites my back yet again.

My oldest is 29 and I have almost completely seperated myself from her. I think that makes her feel like I don't love her which is not the case. I realized I had to save my own sanity and I have made steps to move forward with my own life.

Annette

shortstuff1 6.......Her dad may not live there anymore, but the mom does and technology as great as it is in some ways is a real detriment to our young people. Any parent that values their children at all should monitor their activity on the computer and in texting as well. Legally there is nothing your husband can do, but maybe he can reason morally with her mom and get her cooperation to monitor her activity. However, as the parent of a 16 year old and the granmother of 2 teen boys, I will say it is almost impossible to restrict all their social networking. They can make up fake "screen" names, my space and facebook accounts and email addresses. They delete their texts and you have no idea what has transpired and with whom. It makes it almost impossible to control what goes on with these kids. But, they do need to know that we as parents are trying and do CARE what they are into. The fact that she is so protective of her info is an almost sure sign of wrongdoing one would think. At any rate, that is too much free range to stay plugged into the cyber world and the mother needs to tune in and get her daughter involved in reality and life.
Just my opinion............

Its not my Daughter, its my 14yr Son, soon to be 15.
After a summer of arguments and my son wanting to have everything his way or no way, he decided to go live with his dad....without even telling me, i only found out he wasn't coming back hoem when i call him to collect him from his dads.
His dad allows him to do what he likes when he likes and how he likes, smoking drinking out till whwnever.
He is consent trouble at school and i'm at a loss to know what to do.
I've tried phoning he put the phone down, in fact he is very aggressive and this comes from his dad. Who tells our son to tell be to **** off and calls be the b****, out daughter who is now 19 refuses to speak with her father.

I want to be part of my sons life!

I'm envious of those who can still talk to their daughters...just to be able to hear their voice. Be glad. I'm not so lucky.

Today is not a good day. Days like this are when I contemplate ending it all. I can't take her shutting me and my husband out any longer. It's a sickening feeling. A sense of hopelessness that I wish on no one. She won't have ANYTHING to do with us. God, it breaks my heart.

I hear she's happy as a clam with her life...a new baby on the way...life for her is fantastic. Or...so I hear.

She's active in church, her f-i-l the minister, and she has them all convinced she's Betty Crocker/Susie Homemaker. We are her 'secret'. Her 'sin'. She does not honor her mother or father. She bears false witness about us. She stands in judgment of others...but never of her behavior. I can't believe the hypocrisy.

It makes me question why God allows this. I know it ain't over til its over....but why does he allow her to continue this charade all while fronting something different in church? Why does he not pop her on the head and say, "Listen to me! What are you doing?!"

I feel like its because I don't matter. I'm not significant enough in anyone's life to be treated properly. It would be different if I had done something...but she just hates us to be hating us.

I don't know how much more I can take........