I read your post, and I just want to let you know that I have had some of the same problems with my daughter who is also 14. She's had trouble in school for years, and just keeps getting passed along also. She skips, talks back to teachers, been suspended at least 6 times this school year. When I try to talk to her, to try to understand whats going on, I just get the slam. I have been at the end of my rope lately. I started taking her to counseling a couple months ago. She had to be evaluated by a Psychiatrist and you know what he told me? She's suffering. He told me that there is no doubt in his mind that she has ADD, the Attention kind, not the Hyper kind. She has yet to start any treatment, but after reading about the disorder, everything makes sense now. I just thought I'd share it with you, cause I know how I was suffering with the drama, and now at least there's hope.

Hi Abused Mom,
This is Karen, and your right.. Our stories are very, very similar.. I know how your feeling and I understand what your saying about going from being angry to feeling so depressed and hurt.. It's been over 3 years since I've seen my daughter and grandchildren, and all I can tell you is, it does get easier.. You just have to find peace in your life and give yourself permission to enjoy life without your daughter in it.. You gave your daughter life, but that doesn't mean she gets to take yours away..

I've spent the last several years reading every book I can on spirituality and self help.. It's helped me look at things very differently. I used to see myself as a mom first, and because of the way my daughter treats me,I felt like a failure at the only thing that mattered.. But I see myself as a person now, who happens to have kids.. I love them dearly, but they aren't the only part of me that matters.

I totally relate to what your saying about telling people you don't have grandchildren when they ask.. It is easier. I do the same thing. When people ask about my children, I talk about my 3 sons.. I no longer talk about my daughter. It's just too hard.. If I bring her up, whoever I'm talking to will undoubtedly ask questions, and then where am I? Do I lie or do I tell them the truth, that I don't really have a relationship with her? It's just easier not to mention her at all.

I don't know what your beliefs are, spiritually, but for me, I truly believe we're spiritual beings have a human experience, and that everything we're going through here on earth is for a reason, whether it's a lesson we need to learn, or perhaps a lesson the person who treats us so poorly needs to learn. Perhaps we are the tool needed for them to finally see what ever it is they need to learn. Or maybe they are the tool we need to see whatever it is we need to learn..As crazy as it may sound, when I look at it that way, it makes it easier to cope. It makes it easier to just let it be what it is.

I hope things get nothing but better for you... You sound like you've been through a lot in this lifetime.. Please just give yourself permission to enjoy your life! When those thoughts of depression creep in and take over your mind, push them out. It's really hard at first, but eventually, it becomes habit to just stop them when you realize what's whirling around inside your head.. You have to train yourself to think about something else, something pleasant. Giving these girls space in our thoughts isn't going to change the situation, only create more pain in our souls.

Just a note.. My husband had a heart attack in March and ended up having two stents put in and was in the hospital for a week. My daughter never even called, or wrote, or emailed with good wishes.. That tells you a lot about how full of herself she is. My sons, on the other hand, called daily to check on him (this is their step father).. Raised in the same house, same mom.. How did they turn out so kind and she is so unkind? A question I think we all ask ourself!

Take are of yourself!
Karen

I am soooo glad I found this forum. I have been watching other people and shows and the kids always say their moms are the best, and they thank their mom for everything. I thought I was the only mother who had a daughter that hated me. Although I feel for everyone of you, it does make me feel better that I am not alone in this. I believe it was Karen who posted about her daughter. Karen, are you sure it wasn't my daughter you were talking about. I don't have to write anything, you said it all. This is my first time on here (or any site like it) but I had to say thank you to all of you who put yourselves out there to tell you stories. My daughter and I have also had an on again off again relationship. It has caused me so much pain. My parents came to the US all alone so I grew up with my parents and my sister. I longed for grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, like other children had. Mine were in east Germany and I didn't know them. Because of the lack of family here, we grew very close. My sister and I raised our children together and they too were close. We were even pregnant at the same time (coinsidence) but I lost my baby at 8 1/2 months old. A little girl we named, held, and buried. My daugher had health problems and was my first born, then came the one we lost, and finally we had a healthier baby boy. He had his own issues having asthma very bad etc. Anyway, we gave our children everything. They were the loves of our lives. My parents adored my kids, and so did my sister. When my daughter was 5, my father passed away at the age of 62. This was 3 years after the loss of my 2nd child. Times were tough for me but I had to go on because I still had two children who needed me. We were all very close and at 19, my daughter had an argument with me over a boy calling my house at 2 in the morning, and she told me she would be moved out by the time I got home from work. She was. I thought I would die from heartbreak. She had an older boyfriend who was divorced and she didn't like my opinions. We didn't talk for a very long time, in which part of me was missing. Finally we started talking again and things seemed better until she met her current husband. I don't believe he respects me at all. We had disagreements because even though I tried never to interfere or give oppinions without being asked, once in a while I would say something that would set her off. I walked on eggshells all the time because I knew that she really believed in her heart that things happened in a different way that they had. She twisted stories and blamed me for things I didn't do or say and I finally realized she really convinced herself that they happened that way. How do you argue with someone who doesn't see reality? She has since stopped talking to me for so many reasons and this time was the final straw. In the past when she didn't talk to me I went into a depression, lost time from work because I would just sit at my desk and cry, I just couldn't function and started getting counciling. After the first child, they would threaten us that if we caused any drama, we would not see our grandchild. I was NEVER a drama creator, I was the one who always soothed ruffled feathers to keep the family together. If i wrote about everyhing they did, I would write a book. The end result was that she became pregnant with a second child. She called me and was crying at Xmas because she was with his family and missed our Xmas so much. I told her to have a good time and enjoy her time there, we would celebrate when they returned. In January they came to our house for our gifts, which of course were numerous for the baby when she once again twisted something I said and started screaming and they took the baby and walked out. About 4-5 days later I received an email saying that I am causing her too much pain and so I am not welcome to be at the birth of my grandson and that seeing her kids is a priviledge not a right and maybe one day we can repair the relationship but she doesn't see it happening in the near future. 4 months have passed and I am not allowed to see my grandchildren. My grandson was born and I was informed from her husband, hours after everyone else about the birth but once again told I was not welcome. He is one month old today and I have not seen him. My granddaughter is 18 months old and I am not sure she would even know me anymore. I no longer cry for my daughter, but I have apologized and tried everything I could so that I don't loose the grandchildren I love so much. Nothing works. She kicked me off of facebook, and blocked me from messaging programs, and from what I am told, has not read my emails. Somedays I don't want to live but I have a terrific son and it is not fair to him. I go between hating them and missing them and am so mixed up that if she would contact me again (which I am sure won't happen) I don't know what to do or say. She disowned her brother the month before us. She is not communicating with anyone but my sister, and sometimes my mother, who she is ALWAYS mad at because then she has an excuse to not pay her. My mom paid off her school loans because of the high interest she was paying. She owes about $70,000 to my mom and is not paying her. What do I do to make the pain go away? I started telling people i have no grandchildren because it is easier that way. I really resent the fact that I can never get back the time she has taken away from me. I will not ever hear my granddaughters first words or see my grandson as a baby. How do you get over the anger and pain and mixed emotions and try to lead a normal life. Everywhere I go, I am reminded of my loses and I spontaniously burst into tears some days, while just being angry others. I am at a loss. Sorry this was so long but it is just the tip of the iceberg where they are concerned.

My oldest three children hate me and I know that no advice will help my situation. I have been that loving mother who have provided everything for my kids. But they hate me. My son in paritcular can't stand me. He is 17 yrs old. I broke up with his father and every since he has trained my son to hate me. He has also semi-trained the other to hate me. I get treated like dirt, they don't do their chores, they don't make straight A's anymore, they curse me out, they get physical with me knowing that I am a passive person, they break all my things, they take whatever they want. The youngest is opposite, but they are trying to recruit her by telling her I am evil. I am called evil when I don't upgrade their phones, I am called a b* when I don't replace a laptop they bought that was only 3 months old ($1100), I am called no good mother when I don't allow them to bring friends over, I am called worthless when I asked (yes ask) them to do their chores.. I told my oldest who is 19 yr old to take out her trash from her room, she dumped it on my bed. My son now resides with his father because I was scared that he was going to hurt me. Now he has failed the entire 11th grade and is no longer in honors. He said he did it on purpose so that I would be unhappy. I think my children want me to die. I don't have anyone.. No friends, no family, no one. I feel alone and I do feel like I am dying. I gained 50 pounds in 2 years and I have aged considerably. I feel unloved and I want to runaway and take my youngest. My kids are ungratedful people that have a false sense of entitlement. I don't know how to solve this.

AVR1962......you are so right.....these girls CONVINCE themselves that what they are saying is TRUE!!!! That's what baffles myself and her step-father......the things she has RECENTLY accused us of is OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! And she thinks it's true.....this has to be the truest of evil incarnate! That is the ONLY way I can explain it! I would never accuse MY WORST ENEMY of the things my once precious baby girl is accusing me and my husband of.....but you know,I have blocked her number from my phone...now she cannot torture me with abusive texts or nasty and abusive phonecalls. Already,I feel myself getting BETTER! We cannot let these GIRLS make us feel bad for THEIR POOR choices! Not matter what, every person has the CHOICE to be of good character. I had ALOT of unfortunate things happen to me in my life....SO WHAT!!! That didn't turn me into a child abuser,whore,drunk,drug-abuser,etc. instead it turned me into an OVERLY attentive,sober,over-indulging,supportive,loving MOM....and look where it has gotten me!!! These MONSTERS and yes, I mean MONSTERS CHOOSE TO BE EVIL....THEY HAVE NO EXCUSE for their behavior. We have been NOTHING BUT SUPPORTIVE!! Stay STRONG!

This might be off the wall...but do any of you believe in demonic possession? I do! Use to go to a church where I wittnessed people and my daughter fits the bill...never thought I would be fighting this is my own family.

It's really sad when we have to fear our children. I would put a restraining order on my daughter too if she threw rocks thru our windows, this has to be hard for you. My stepson told a family member he wanted me dead and for years I felt I was always looking over my shoulder, it is no way to live.

Annette

PRAY4ALL.....I apologize for the misunderstanding. I re-read your posting and realized what you were trying to say. Please FORGIVE me! I think we are all so wounded that we are sometimes QUICK to take the WRONG impression. Just yesterday, my 21- year old vandalized my home while me and her step-father were working. She through rocks threw my windows. I have placed a restraining order against her........what else do you do? Now I am afraid for my life. But I will protect myself by whatever means necessary! Can someone give me some advice? We are REALLY at a loss! Her natural father AFTER NOT BEING IN HER LIFE FOR OVER 13 years and when he was he was emotionally abusive,wants to make it seem like it's my fault now! BASTARD! I am so ready to check out of life and GET MISSING! I feel my last 21 years was a WASTE!