please someone help me!!!! i have a 14 13 and 11 year old girls. things are fine between my 2 youngest but my oldest is a different story. i cant tell her anything that she doesn't blow up at me. when that happens i get upset and it goes down hill from there, what should i do please help
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TampaFL
Posts:
1
From:
Tampa, Florida
Registered:
11/4/10
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(491 of 791)
Nov 4, 2010 11:07 PM
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Until I found this site tonight I thought I was the only Mother that was hated by her daughter. As I read some of these post I feel like I am reading about my life with my daughter for the last 3 years. I am a very strong person and would have told someone 3 years ago they were crazy if they had told me a person could make me feel so small and helpless. I have got professional help, searched the internet and purchased every book I could find to try and understand this type of behavior. What has really complicated matters is she has a 11 month old daughter (my granddaughter). She uses her to manipulate me. I have asked her to get professional help with me or on her own in the hopes that she could understand how hurtful her behavior is and how it affects myself, her father and 2 brothers.
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Tulasc
Posts:
9
Registered:
10/4/10
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(490 of 791)
Nov 4, 2010 2:22 PM
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Okie, thank you for caring. It lifted my heart up  I have my good days and my bad. More bad than good, but I try to keep busy to get my mind off her. It will be my first holidays without my daughter too. It's been rocky for a few years, but we always managed Christmas...now she has shut us out completely so it will be without her or our only grandchild. I loathe the holiday season now. I just wish it would pass quickly. |
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OKIE IN OK
Posts:
25
From:
OKLAHOMA
Registered:
10/4/10
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(489 of 791)
Nov 4, 2010 9:34 AM
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tulasc...some days it hurts way more then others. I find comfort in this blog at those times. I am sorry to hear you had a heart attack. I can definitely understand the pain and hopelessness that can trigger that. Just know that it goes to show that she can not have that much power over you as to take your life. I, your husband and your son, for three, and I am sure there are others, are glad you are still on the planet. And know this....someday those grandchildren will find you and you need to be in good shape for that. Also, know this, she will get it back in a greater measure than what she is dealing out. Hang in there......sounds like you are doing better. Sometimes living well is the best revenge!
My bad to day is I want to slap the next person that says they can't wait for the holidays.....it will be my first without my daughter. I know that is horrible and I am pushing to get in the mode to make it good for the other children and grandchildren...I just wish it wasn't like this.
Love and prayers to all!
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Tulasc
Posts:
9
Registered:
10/4/10
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(488 of 791)
Nov 3, 2010 6:34 PM
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Okie - "There are people in this world that need and want our emotions and participation in their lives and we can't fix the ones that don't. If you knew where it was broken you could fix it, but most times it is just that they do not want us in their lives, for whatever reason. It is painful. It is devastating. It is wrong. But we cannot let that be what defines us."
Wow...I need to put that on post-it notes all over my house. No statement is more true than yours. I hurt everyday for my daughter, but she has completely blocked me out of her life. I had to find out from another that she's pregnant again...another grandchild I'll never see. But - I have my son that loves me dearly and wants me in his life and my husband too. I must learn to focus on them and let my daughter be but a memory. I've already had one heart attack over her devastating behavior, I can't let her kill me.
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leopard61
Posts:
2
From:
west midlands uk
Registered:
11/2/10
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(487 of 791)
Nov 2, 2010 4:20 AM
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After reading your blog it made me feel a bit better my relationship with my 26 year old daughter has come to a stage where she has called me an undecent mother " you may be my mother but I am nothin like you" we dont get on". stay out my life" the list goes on. I have cried so many tears and she has my parents who she idolizes who have totally spoilt her above my other 2 children. I could write a book to be honest of all this but my parents certainly have not helped at all. I really have come to the stage where I have to say enough is enough as my health was suffering.
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leopard61
Posts:
2
From:
west midlands uk
Registered:
11/2/10
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(486 of 791)
Nov 2, 2010 4:03 AM
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My daughter is 26 and hates me and resents me for everything I am x I divorced from her father when she was four as he was a very controlling person and my life was terrible, I then worked hard trying to support myself with the help of my parents looking after her while I worked. A big bond was formed with her grandad which I was not totally aware of he spoilt her so much. I then met someone else and had a son unfortunately the relationship broke up and I struggled yet again to support myself he left alot of debt. I was one my own for 5 years and all this this my eldest daughter was more thought of. I then remarried and had a lovely little girl but my daughter and dad never liked my husband and disapproved as he was younger. My daughter left home and went to live with my parents which I struggled to cope with as because we asked her for board money etc she did not like it. The story goes on..... she obviously must have met someone and moved in with him and I found out from someone she was pregnant but never told me only my parents.
I sort of got our relationship back but feel my father has put a big strain on our relationship taking over my parenting. She let me see the baby for a month but now said I am not a decent mother and to stay away from her. My parents do not want to know my other children only her. I have been so upset and it made me ill. She said her grandparents and friends mean more to her. Please advise me as I cant talk as my father and mother put the phone down on me its awful.
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OKIE IN OK
Posts:
25
From:
OKLAHOMA
Registered:
10/4/10
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(485 of 791)
Nov 1, 2010 12:03 PM
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Modernmom and Grammy.......there are many of us in the same boat. I have cried and even screamed form the hurt. I have lost all pride and begged my child to come home and love us. We have only received rudeness and disrespect in return. This weekend my oldest daughter finally broke and cried and let me know that she needs me and how hurt she is to not only have lost a sister, but her mom as well. I got my wake up call. There are people in this world that need and want our emotions and participation in their lives and we can't fix the ones that don't. If you knew where it was broken you could fix it, but most times it is just that they do not want us in their lives, for whatever reason.
It is painful. It is devastating. It is wrong. But we cannot let that be what defines us.
love and prayers........
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modernmom2010
Posts:
1
From:
ns
Registered:
10/31/10
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(484 of 791)
Oct 31, 2010 3:24 PM
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im in the same situation,....she was angry with me for about a year.....but in Aug it became worse because her dad died suddenly.....so the brunt of the anger comes to me....she has hit me and grabbed my and i cannot do anything right,....im stupid ugly she wishes i was dead......it really hurts....esp when i love this child and would go to the ends of the earth for her.....what do i do,,,,,,
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Grammy
Posts:
1
From:
New York
Registered:
10/30/10
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(483 of 791)
Oct 30, 2010 2:51 PM
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It was some what comforting to know I'm not alone...
My daughter (29 yrs old) hates me and why I don't really know and she just won't talk to me...
The problem is I'm trying to except the cold heartless person she became but what I can't except is I have a beautiful grandson...and I am not allow to see him, it's been a month since I've seen him... and I'm losing my mind over it and cry about it day and night....
Any advice??????????
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OKIE IN OK
Posts:
25
From:
OKLAHOMA
Registered:
10/4/10
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(482 of 791)
Oct 29, 2010 6:40 AM
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Hey Everyone!! Just hoping that everyone is okay. In my world it is same song... second verse, but working on hanging tough and keeping my integrity. Praying for us all!
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Ruth no longer a fool
Posts:
1
Registered:
10/26/10
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(481 of 791)
Oct 26, 2010 11:57 PM
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> please someone help me!!!! i have a 14 13 and 11 year old girls. things are fine between my 2 youngest but my oldest is a different story. i cant tell her anything that she doesn't blow up at me. when that happens i get upset and it goes down hill from there, what should i do please help
Somewhere deep down the hate originates because of selfish wants that are impossible to achieve.This hatred then comes from frustration,such as not being pretty enough or talented enough or prosperous and popular enough.But I have learned that thru the years I am fed up with the ups and downs and decided that in my older years I will no longer take this verbal hatred and abuse.There is only kindness and goodness I have shown as well as standing by her in troubled times (divorce etc). Not any more. My grandchildren have seen her hatred towards me and think she possibly is mentally sick...She may be bi polar. I cut all ties and am happier for it. We are told as mothers to love unconditionally but not to the point of having to take constant emotional abuse. My daughter turned 50 this year. I do not intend to mend this relationship. I feel free at last. It's my turn now to think of myself.....Ruth
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Edited by Ruth no longer a fool at 10/27/2010 12:01 AM PDT
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Crazy Mum
Posts:
1
From:
Ireland
Registered:
10/26/10
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(480 of 791)
Oct 26, 2010 12:38 PM
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My eldest daughter is 17 she hates me to. Everything thats goes wrong is my fault. We brought her here from England when she was small so cruel of us. All you can do is keep on telling her you love her and are ther for her. Yes she has reduced me to tears a made me feel worthless, I am just hoping its her age. When she is good she is very good but when she is bad she is very horrid.
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Maureen
Posts:
666
Registered:
6/13/07
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(479 of 791)
Oct 26, 2010 11:13 AM
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Hi and thanks to everyone here – I’ve been following along and it has been great to read all the wonderful support and advice being offered. Wanted to point out two other posts ( here and here) that could benefit from this thread’s collective wisdom. (I’ll stick to Internet safety advice, the main focus of this forum, though we’re happy to offer a place for people to come and discuss related topics.) Take good care, Maureen -- Maureen Kochan ConnectSafely community manager |
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LostinSweden
Posts:
15
From:
Sweden
Registered:
10/3/10
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(478 of 791)
Oct 26, 2010 4:36 AM
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3 little words for all you great Mums out ther.........
DON'T GIVE UP!
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OKIE IN OK
Posts:
25
From:
OKLAHOMA
Registered:
10/4/10
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(477 of 791)
Oct 25, 2010 8:02 AM
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Lostin Sweden.....you are so right. How can I have two biological children that are grown and successful (one is a registered nurse and the other has his doctorate in education and is supt of schools in our area) and then the child that I adopted when she was almost 11, I took her in and gave her a home,I have loved because she was born of my heart, I have given her every opportunity to rise above her past and the fact that her bio parents were so lousy that she went in to foster care at age 2, We have given her a good name and a great family and yet, yes she makes me feel humiliated and deficient in every aspect? The answer is because I have empowered her to do this. She is like a shark feeding on all my pain, love, insecurities, blame, and guilt. I have to face the fact that she does not love me, because love does not behave this way. I would not allow a stranger to treat me this way and I refuse to allow my own child to any more. I have turned off her cell fone, which cuts all ties with her, because she was sending facebook updates that cost me $50 extra last month, but yet has unfriended me on there. She is selfish, hateful, spiteful, and not someone I care to be around. I do not want to lay myself open to her again to be continually hurt. Fool me once shame on you...fool me twice shame on me. Hang in there ladies you are worth more than that!!!!
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