AVR1962 You are so right in everything you said. When my daughter first went to live with her boyfriend's family, I went to a solicitor to see if it was legal. He gave me the advice as follows " Be happy go out live your life and stop trying to get your daughter back. Her hormones are all over the place and she is getting pressure from both sides. You need to back off and let everything calm down. When she sees you are moving on with your life and happy the sooner she will want to be a part of your life. While you are begging her to return and miserable she has the upper hand" I have not followed his advice even though he assured me he has handled tooo many of these cases. I thought he is a man what would he know about a being a mum and what it feels like so I begged and begged humiliated myself begging only to be ignored. I have torn myself apart with grief. The nights are the worst as that was when we spent the most of our time together talking and watching tv. But now I am finally getting counselling at my doctors orders and am getting my life back on track. I am now watching my diet, getting back into exercise and when I have my confidence back am going to start socializing again. I want to be a strong happy and confident women someone my daughter if she did see me would think hey thats my mum , boy arent I lucky! not some miserable old hag wasting her life hiding away and moping over what I have lost and what could have been. I think now having done everything else that the solicitor was right when she sees I have moved on and am happy and thriving she will be more likely to want to be a part of my life. I will still contact her on special occaisions birthdays, Christmas ect via facebook (she wont be my friend but I can still send messages to her) to let her know I still love her and the door is always open. But HEY enough is enough life is toooo short and who would you rather hang with a miserable person or a happy person. So I say lets all think about us now and start enjoying our lives once more. I know believe me that it is not easy and you will have you down days but you need to stay strong dont give in the the bad days. Put on your ipod go for a walk do something you really enjoy when you feel in a funk. Try thinking positive thoughts. I tell myself Hey she is healthy and happy and where she wants to be right now, in reality it could be soooo much worse than that I know. So keep strong I know it is hard but hey I am going to do my very best to do the above because I cant keep on going the way I have been, that way I didnt have a life this way I just might.. Good luck to all

For the moms with teen daughters please reflect on your own teen years and try to remember for a minute how you felt towards your mom and spending time with your family.

In some of these situations I think this is a natural process of child trying to become independent and in order to do that they are trying to turn their backs to the very epople they know are there for them and helped them the most. I hope that makes sense to you.

The desperate pleas are only going to make your daughters push futher away. What is it that you like about your friends, what magnets you to be around certain people? Is it the sad people who are depressioned that you long to spend time with or is it the people with life and energy that you enjoy? Think about that too.

Sometimes people who are not wishing the best for us (at the time) take some sort of sick pleasure in seeing us miserable.....don't give them the pleasure.

I think your daughters may have a hcnage of heart if they saw a new and happy you who has moved on with her own life. She then might ask herself, 'well what about me?" and actually strive to be a part of your life.

I remember all too well being 13-17 and even older and not liking my mom, to a point I would change my clothes if she were wearing the same color I was. I cannot even tell you why. I wanted my independence and I know my parents tried to protect me but looking back (I'm 47) the only way I was going to learn was to make my own mistkaes as I was that stubborn.

I have learned alot and much of it has been the hard way. My mom and I have a good relationship now and have for years. For me there came a turning point in my life where I realized I had to accept my mom for who she is and that all had to come from me, not her.

I do hope this helps some of you will teen and young adult daughters & children.

I do understand how we center our world around of chidlren, homes and family. I did the same and I have been right where you guys are now, hurting because you are letting go while they are striving to find themselves. It's okay! The more I let go and the more I have a life for myself the better I feel about me, the direction of my life and the more I feel secure that I gave the best I could.

No, my family is not perfect and not what I thought it would be but I has accepted that they have choice too and no relationship can flourish if it is one-sided.

Take time for yourseves! Every day tell yourself that you will not feel guilty for their anger and you will not feel sorry for yourself!

had a bad day so went to my daughters cheerleading class to try to talk to her, she was like a robot with me and as i looked at her i couldnt understand how she could be so cruel as she could see how distressed i was and how desperate i am to sort out our relationship. I too can go about 10 days and then try contact as im really low by this point, never experienced anything so bad in my life as my daughter being this way with me, the only consolation is that i know i am a good mum and dont ever question myself about it.

Okay Ladies, enough of this dwelling on our offspring who have seemingly taken leave of their senses. I would like to suggest that each and every one of us makes time, every day, to do something fun. Just for us. It does'nt matter what it is, just try and seek out . It could be playing your favourite sone, going on your favourite walk or eating the food you love most of all. Just DO IT!! After all, we deserve a reward for how hard we have tried and still try.

Thankyou Brittsmom and AVR. This latest blow has hit me hard. To give you some background, I had to divorce my kids father due to his violence both towards me and them. I struggled on in the same house with not a penny from him for another 13 years. He then took our home out from under us with his bankruptcy due to the fact my divorce lawyer did'nt deal properly with the financial side of my divorce. At the same time he was declared bankrupt he was holidaying with his new girlfriend in Nepal (where he hird a sherpa) and after that went to the Maldives for another holiday.
At the time we lost the house my severely demented mother was living with us, because I'd promised her the day my father died I would care for her, and also her brother. On the day of the move I had to put my mum in respite care, something I had avoided. The second day she was there she wandered and fell and never spoke or walked again.
I now find out that my daughter has accepted money from my lowlife ex.
I now feel my children did'nt deserve the love and adoration I bestowed on them. But as others have said 'as you sow you will reap' and as an old friend of mine would have said "the race ain't over yet", and it is'nt.

LostinSweden.......I DO SO UNDERSTAND! I had to step away as well. My last situation with with the stepson I raised since he was 5, now 27, he flew into both his dad and I......told his dad he had no email etiquette, told me I was rude, todl us both how we shoudl have worded things, how we upaset his wife and that we had not earned his respect. WOW! Obviously no respect on his part so we have not made contact. If this is the way he views us it is his choice and there is nothing we can do to change that. he has it all coming back to him and maybe it will take his child being like him to make him see. Husband and I are forging ahead with our lives, we simply do not need the hatred and the stress. The more we detach the better life is for those who don't want to be a part of our lives.

On the flip side, one of my daughter and her son are coming to visit from out of town in a weeka nd we are really looing forward to the visit!

LostinSweden.....very well said! We learn from the moment they are born that we are at their very whelm to sacrifice of ourselves if needed to make our little-one as happy and comfortable in life as we possibly can. If people see a neglectful parent they are criticized for not being a good parent. We never stop trying, loving our children even when others would turn their backs to their poor behavior. We teach them we are there for them regardless not only giving our love and patience but tyring to teach them, support them and listening to them when they need a shoulder to cry on. We are the ones who have sacrificed ourselves for the very children that have no way to appreciate what we have done for them as they know no different. Who did my daughter seek out to connect with as a young adult? Her father that basically walked out of her life an abandoned her when she was 6! The man that didn't care enough even to pay the tiny amount of child support the courts granted me. A man that not only cheated on me but his second wife too and split up yet anotehr family. A man that could not hold a job, could not tell the truth. But who gets the glory?

Ladies, we gave our best and for that we can be guilt-free. If our children never see the good we have done for them, if they never respect our authority, if they never try to understand us and what we have been thru it is okay.

I too surrounded my whole world night and day with my children, my home, my husband. I would have done anything in the world for each and every one of my children. The lack of respect I have received from some of them especially as adults has made me realized how spoiled they really are. I believe one day they will understand as I feel life takes care of itself and those that betray us will betrayed so they can understand.

It's coming for them all. You wait til they have teenagers themselves! Meantime, we have to focus on ourselves and find a life that we enjoy for us. It's okay to enjoy life again.

Well all it looks like I have joined the many parents who face problems with their teenage daughters.
My daughter is nearly 15 and we have been having communication problems for the last year and a half. My daughter constantly accuses me of letting her down yet my life always revolves around her. I have been a single mum since I left her father when she was 3 years old and in all honesty have struggled financially, when my daughter says that I have let her down then yes I have not been able to give her as much as some might but I have wholeheartedly given her as much love and caring that I possibly could. My daughter and my constant rowing over her attitude, respect and sense of morals have taken us to a bad place and she as now decided to live with her father which breaks my heart. The problem I am having now is that she as now cut contact with me and says that she dosent want me in her life at this time as all we do is argue. I have told her that I respect her wish to live with her father ( gets more spoilt at that end), but i still want to be involved in her life. This weekend she was in cheerleading comps and blatantly told me she didnt want me there, its so hard when you have loved a child for all those years only to be shunned and ignored by them as they are the person who makes your whole world go around. I am told constantly told to sit and be patient and she will come round but time is prescious and i wish that she could see that. I have contacted a counsellor and they say the same. I just feel that her other side of the family are not doing enough to help and by staying silent over the situation that they are doing more damage than good. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

A broken hearted mum.x