Oh my, I think I gave you the wrong impression. I am not for these girls acting this way....not for one second would I believe or want anyone to fall victim to their lies and bad mouthing their mothers. I too have a daughter who is 19 and who abused me for the last seven years and finally moved out of the house a year ago. Since she moved out, I have found out things that made me feel like the worst parent in the world. Some of the things I have confirmed about her have made my hair curl and my stomach turn. Please don't think for a moment that I don't feel everyone's pain in this chat room or don't know the pain these kids give to their parents because I am one of them.

Does it ever end and how does a parent deal with it? My 29 daughter has been a handful since her dad left us when she was 6. She started trying to turn poeple against me at that point, making me the villan and her the victim, trying to get sympathy from anyone that would listen.

Almost 5 years ago it came out that her stepbrother had sexually abused her for 5 years.....I figured that was what had happened and I was behind her 100%, to the point that I cut ties with my inlaws and my stepson to support my daughter. She and I talked for hours and never once did she sway from her story that she had been victomized.

After this all came out, the first time my daughter got mad at me, she went running to her stepbrother and have been in touch ever since. He is giving her the support she needs from me. He won't have anything to do with his dad or I as we have done him wrong.

I have 3 daughters, and the 24 year old recently told me that my 29 year old is still actively filling their stepbrother's head with lies to continue his support and sympathy towards her, and his hate towards me. If this really hd happened the way she claimed I don't think she would have went back to him at all and I now question the truth.

Last week, 29 year old daughter posted pics on FaceBook of my youngest and the stepbrother at his graduation and I have no doubt in my mind that she did this to try and reconnect the two and to get at me, knowing there is no relationship between the stepbrother and us. She then told her 24 year old sister that she knew it was going to make me mad. Now my youngest and the stepbrother are now "friends."

My husband (her stepdad) beleives my daughter is trying to unite the family against me, and has been for years.

Without just saying, "there is no sense to make of this becuase it is typicla behavior," is there anyone that can tell me what is happening here?

She has also recently connected with her ex, she had been trying to take away his parental rights claiming he was abusive and got a couselor to make a statement indicating this which she took to court. She put him thru all kinds of grief and now she has flipped 100% the other way.....she is remarried and has been for several years, has 2 more children by her second husband. She invited her ex to their daughter's b.day party which meant he traveled 500 miles for this and then they were smearing salad dressing on each other, eating off each other's plates, laughing and flirting like lovers.

Her buiness is hers and I don't get into her stuff but what does concern me is I do feel the reason she tried to reunite her stepbrother and my youngest (13) is she will have the support to turn my 13 year old against me. She tried to alienate me from my grandmother but she saw thru her game. She was able to alienate me from my parents for awhile but then she burned them and they then saw the truth. We have 5 kids total and she has tried with every sibling to turn them against me. She has managed with the one stepbrother and the other stepbother kind of plays it cool with both sides. Only one daughter hsn't fallen for the games (my 24 year old) and up until this point my 13 year old hasn't been involved dues to the difference in age.

I'd really like some advise on how to handle this.

Annette

Hi I'm back AGAIN......I have to be the MOST foolish mother there is. I was a BIG FOOL this time and now I am paying for it!!!!! My UNGRATEFUL daughter got thrown our of her apartment a month ago. After not gettinga freakin job to pay rent. Of course, my wonderful husband,her step-dad, agreed that she should move back in for awahile to recoup and save. Well, the first week she came we were out of town on vacation. I was apprehensive about leaving her in my house alone. But I put my trust in God. Day one was good,day two,day three then on the fifth day I call to check on her and my dogs. She's throwing a tantrum and calling me names and saying I am the reason for all of her bad decisions and so on. Well, my husband jumps in and talks to her she calms down and apologizes. I thought all was well. And it was after we returned. For about three weeks. My husband told her she woould have to work,at least part-time,while living here. I was cooking for her all. I was happy to have her here. Then she began to accuse me and her step-father of all kinds of VILE things. She began to pick on me every chance she got. I would be reading then she would just come and sit at the end of the sofa and wait to say something to start a fight. Anyway, last night I KICKED HER OUT ON THE STREET!!! One part of my is scared but as she kept telling me "is was a mistake for her to move in with us". So now she's gotten her wish. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!! It has wreaked havoc on my mental health in ONE MONTH. These types of children ARE TOXIC!!!!!

I feel for you. One of ours daughters thinks she is so much better than her parents. She is sooooo very touchy and we can't understand why as we don't tell her ANYthing. We just smile and go along with her ideas. She acts like she has a LARGE chip on her shoulders. She seems to feel entitled to just about everything from number of children to a bigger house, etc. We have given her a LOT of money over the years and during that time she tried to act nice but even then I could sense the burn. We are ashamed of her and her mouth and emails to us.
Rude, rude, rude. If she did not have the 2 granddaughters, we could enjoy NOT dealing with her. It's so sad. She is soooo selfish and does nothing for us but criticize me.

YOU didn't do anything to make her hate you. I don't believe that these girls actually hate us (mothers), rather I think they have entitlement issues. When watching how they interact with each other, it shows me that they don't respect their friends or their themselves. The words they use are offensive and become normal to them. This is not normal and needs to stop. I know it hurts, but all of us are hurting together because society is allowing them to act this way. There are some mothers that actually join their daughters in this behavior and it makes it really hard for the mothers that don't act this way. I am not going to give into her harsh words that don't break my bones, rather break my heart, but I must remain true to what I know is right.

I just got off the phone with my daughter. It was a 75 minutes conversation of ups and downs. Her girlfriend with with her telling her that her mother has done more for her than I have. Wow, seriously!! I have not spoken to her in 4 months and she is shocked that I have not reached out to hear how bad of a mother I am. She feels justified in her actions and feels that I should put up with her ranting and raving over things in her past. She admits that she is angry, yet she does not want to get help. Until she is ready to get help, I don't know what I can do for her.

Mimmy23, I understand why you feel the way you do about your mother, but please, PLEASE don't suggests to these poor moms that this is their fault. We moms have been through enough with our daughters blaming us for their hatred..No one here needs to have fingers pointed at them. Mom's come here for advice, friendship and to feel less alone...
I understand your pain.. My mother thought my oldest sister could do no wrong, while the other three of us could do no right.. I understand how painful that is, which is why I would never, EVER have treated my daughter in the same way, and I never did.
I never said hateful things to my daughter, not when she was little, a teen or as an adult...and even when she was heavy from having children, I told her over and over again she was beautiful,because to me, she was (and still is).. I'm sorry that your mother says such cruel things to you.. There is no excuse for that..
Please just remember Mimmy... You are here because you are hurting just like we are all hurting, only your pain is reversed.. We cannot control the cruel things our daughters do to us any more than you can control the cruel things your mom does to you..
But let me say this, and I hope you will really think about this.. It took me years to realize this about my own mother and really understand it.. Just because your mother may make you feel like you don't matter, that doesn't mean that you don't... That is your mothers problem, not yours.. You must always remember, first and foremost, that you know who you are better than anyone else in this world, and what you do with that knowledge is really the only thing that matters. Don't let your mothers perception of you make you less than you are...Just use her attitude to fuel your ability to be more...
I wish for you that you could feel the love from your mom that all of us feel for our daughters..
Grow from this sweet pea! Let go of the anger and hatred you may feel for your mom right now, because those things will keep you from being the real you..But more than anything else, just let go of her perception of who you are.... Just accept your mom for who she is and never loose sight of who you want to be. You will be a much better woman for it.
At 21 your life is just beginning!! Enjoy every second of it. Make the most of it and never make choices based on what someone else wants you to do..Life goes by fast.
Karen

May be you are doing something to make your children behave like this?
Not now, during all their life..
I am 21 one now, but I think that my mother is very selfish.
I am not rude with her, I am a good student, working, trying to help her with money.
But it is not enough for her.
She is always screaming I am a bad daugther, that I do not help her.
I really hate to communicate with my mother!!!
During all my life she said nothing good about me.
If I get 4 at school, she says you can get 5. If I do something, she ALWAYS says you can do better.
I ve got 6 little sisters. She does everything for my 8years old sister, but nothing for me.
I am independent from her now. And I am reaaly happy about it!
She always says I am fat, not beautiful,stupid and so on.
How should I feel myself when I here it from my own mother???
I am leaving with my future husband now, studing at the 4 cource of univercity and have 2 works, working at nights.
And she says I ve got a good life! I do not help her at free time!
She is really selfish person.
But I never was rude to her, never says I hate her.
My younger sister, she is 19 now, always says it from her chilhood. She did not end the school, not studying now, do not help our mother.
And my mother gave her money always, bougth some new things and so on. Is it right???
Firstly, tink about your behavior, parents. Sometimes it can reaaly affects to the life of your children.