Caraboo..Your words brought so much comfort to me and that was just what I needed. I'm still hurting from my son's words last night, but I am better. It's nothing new, but I am having a hard time this holiday season as my only sweet sister died in a horrible house fire in July. She had MS and was alone for no more than 10 minutes budt that was enough....she could'nt get out. The point is the kid could be a tad nicer, you know? I left the home and marriage pretty much because though he denies it, my ex and son consistantly "ganged" up on me..like I was not relevant. I know that sounds a lot like self pity, I don't mean it to be there was more issues but too many to write now. Just know you made my day and will be in touch soon...sandy

Sandy
Please know you are not alone! We are all here for you!!! You have done your best! Do not beat yourself up or get sick over this. I promise it will get better. The out come may not be what you want but You will find peace and move forward. Please keep us posted and know we are all here for you and basically in the same boat!!!! OH AND DUHHHHH TO ME NO WONDER I DO NOT GET ANY EMAILS WHEN SOMEONE POSTS YOU HAVE TO SUBSCRIBE UNDER EACH PERSONS POSTS> Hope that works now!!!!!!! BIG DUHHHH TO ME!!!!

> > please someone help me!!!! i have a 14 13 and 11 year old girls. things are fine between my 2 youngest but my oldest is a different story. i cant tell her anything that she doesn't blow up at me. when that happens i get upset and it goes down hill from there, what should i do please help
>
> > Funny - I typed in " why do I love my daughter when she hates me" and here is the number one site that came up in Google. My daughter is now 21. Starting at 13 she began to hang out with drop-outs and druggies. Her father and I have two, much older, children - we never had any such problems with them. We have done EVERYTHING we could think of to help her - counseling, inpatient and outpatient drug rehab (meth addict), psychiatrists (she was diagnosed with a conduct disorder and bipolar disorder), psychiatric medications, home school - she is extremely intelligent, was in gifted classes in school.

Hello,
I do not know if you have read any of my post or, not. However, as you can see, you are most definitely not alone! Our lives are very similar... I have (3) daughters... a 21 year old,16, 11 and (1) 24 year old son... Three of my (4) children are doing just awesome in their individual/family lives.. However, my (21) year old daughter has been "trouble," or shall I say, "HELL ON WHEELS!!!!" every since she was in elementary school. I have spent countless hours in PRAYER, spent money ( that we do not have) on therapists, counselors, medications (every and any that you could name), treatment centers, (mental) hospitals etc. etc... All TO NO AVAIL... My daughter has never been addicted to drugs (that I know of) But, she TOO has a diagnosis of Bi-Polar disorder and Schizophrenia... It is hereditary... My mother suffers from it as well... CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING REARED BY SOMEONE WITH THE DISORDER, SURVIVING IT, JUST TO FIND OUT THAT YOUR DAUGHTER NOW HAS THE SAME DISORDER... So, remember, it could always be worse for you ... Believe me, I know! ;0) ... My (21) has taken Zypraxa, Depoke, etc. etc. for the mental issues... However, once she moved out (day after high school graduation) she apparently STOPPED taking her medicine. Every since then..... She has tried to single handedly DISMANTLE MY LIFE AS I KNOW IT TODAY!!!

It has taken me 40 years to evolve into the woman, mother, wife, friend etc. that I am today... However, I ALMOST allowed her to destroy ME in just a couple of years... Okay, enough about me.... let's get to you & yours........

You really have to just let her go now!! She knows that she has GREAT issues that need medical attention! You can no longer take it upon your shoulders to "force feed" her the medication. Either she will take it, or not! You must distance yourself from her so that she does not cause you and the other children anymore harm... She has taken up enough of your time, heart & energy. I know that this might sound "cold!" But, it could not be farthermost from the truth. Cold is what your body will be laying in a body bag after allowing her to drive to into a heart attack, stroke, mental break-down etc. etc.....

I love my daughter to "DEATH too!" However, that is the issue! I was about to allow her to put me in an early grave, or a hospital bed right beside her bed in the psych ward!!! There are worse things than death my new friend... Being out of your mind & strapped to a bed day & night is one of those things.... YOU DO NOT WANT THIS!!!

My other children & my husband deserved more than what I have given to them within the past (11 )years, since all of this began.. I had given all of my attentions to (21) and none to the other children who were making honor roll, receiving scholarships, honors, etc. etc. Most of which I NOW know was mostly done in the hopes that they would receive just a little of the attention that I was showing to (21). Well, when you learn better, you do better my friend! I know better now!!!

Now, I allow (21) to be (21)! I love her from a great distance!! I continue to be the loving, caring, mother & wife that I should have been so many years ago. My daughter & I are not speaking right now. YES!!! It does hurt... Holidays are approaching and (21) is not part of the festivities... BUT, I CONSTANTLY REMIND MYSELF THAT IT IS ALL BY CHOICE!!! My daughters choice to live as she does!!!! My choice not to allow the behavior in my home, or near those that I love!!!!" IT TRULY DOES NOT HURT half as much as the pain that she would constantly cause when SHE WOULD VISIT THE HOME!

My family, YOUR FAMILY, is not a perfect family! THERE IS NO SUCH THING!!! ;0) However, it is all that we have... Just know that your other children NEED you to protect them from her & the world. They need you to be there for them, totally in your skin/body. You cannot do this, be this, if you are ALLOWING the (21) year old to dictate your every emotion & mood.

Just "LET HER GO NOW!!!" You have done your part. She is in God's hands now... What more capable hands are there? NONE!!!! Just let go and allow GOD to work with your daughter now... You have done all that you can do for her at this point! Do not allow her to guilt you into seeing her until YOU ARE READY!!! Do not ALLOW her to GUILT you into doing ANYTHING ........PERIOD!!!!!!! Take back your home and life!

It is up to you what happens after this... I read your post... She is now out of the home... This is the best thing for you & the rest of your family... Do not ALLOW her back if you can not handle the "episodes" that YOU KNOW WILL OCCUR!!! MOM, it is time... Stop holding on of the "dream" of the little girl, woman that you hoped that she would one day become... & Deal with the grown, adult WOMAN (issues & all) that she truly is/has become today. I truly hope that I have helped you in some small way... I hope that I did not offend you. I am just really passionate about what I have experienced & shared with you in this moment. I have been where you are! Truly I have... Just hold on and know that "This too shall pass!" God heals all wounds & joy truly does come in the morning!" Lean not on your own understanding. "TRUST IN THE LORD!!!"

Many blessings to you and your family... Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!! You are just fine!!!You are where God planned for you to be today... Just walk in the understanding that if GOD is with you/ for you, who can be against you!!!
Love ,Joy, & PEACE that surpasses all understanding only comes from GOD!!!....
KIM (Supermom)

> > She can't keep a job longer that a few weeks. She is verbally abusive to me and until recently was very confrontational with her father. She has been arrested as a juvenile and now as an adult for assault and shoplifting. This one child has cost us tens of thousands of dollars for treatment, countless hours of lost sleep (she would sneak out or stay out all night), and untold amount of heartache. We have tried everything you could possibly think of to help her - setting boundaries, insisting she follow house rules - her friends think she should be very happy, that she has great parents! Most come from very sad backgrounds and really like us. We have let her live with us until now when I really just could not take her lazy, rude, selfish behavior. She called me a f-ing b*tch several times and I told her to get out. She has left before. This time I feel stronger, even though my heart aches with sadness for the daughter I raised and wished I had. Thank you all for sharing your stories - it helps SO MUCH to know I am not alone.
>
> i thinks this is a good ways

This post is for Pixie..I am new too, just registered minutes ago and i want to tell you I could have written your post. My son is 21 and treats me like crap, worse even. He has since he was in his early to mid teens, but truly, by now I thought he would grow up and out of that phase. Didnt happen. Tonite he hurt me so much I cried all the way home (to my apartment as his dad and i split goup 4 years ago. We get along now, and since my son lives him I visit all the time, sometimes everyday). I don't understand him at all and cannot take this anymore. I can't write more now, too heart broken, but i wanted you to know I feel for you so much...your post was the first thing i read when I did a search and I just wanted to connect with someone who understood. I am giving up on him, I can't be treated like this anymore. It just hurts too much especially since I've always been there for him and treated him with respect. I'm a mess...

I feel for you! And yes you said a mouthful! I dont think the joy proclaimed that children bring to your life is true ! Children are over rated!Yes some are wonderful but the 21 to 40 generation are a whole new mess of selfish of evil vindictive ones like i have never seen before! Of course not every single one of them! But i see so much from that particular age group that its scarey! They think the world owes them a living and they think they are entitled to it all . No respect No remosre and no regrets for their actions!!! Please know you are not alone! We are here for you as we are qll in the same boat! AND WE WILL NOT SINK!!!!! Pls come back and vent and keep us posted and know we will respond!!!! Its nice to know you arent alone in such a bewildering situation! Stand your Ground! Youre Strong! You know you did youre best!!!!!

I went through the house and removed all but 2 pics of he and his sister, when the were very little and his graduation picture. It has made things a little easier for me. I didn't realize just how many pics i had of him. I thought it would make me feel like he was, somehow, around me, but it had the exact opposite effect.

I'm very glad to be able to come here a blog and talk to someone. My husband is so fed up with my son, that even the mention of his name makes him angry. And my daughter doesn't really understand., she's 32 and is the mother of my only grandchild, He's only 11 and i doubt she thinks he will ever go through a rebellious stage. she really can't identify and gets annoyed with me if i even mention him. She starts griping at me and treats me like a child. She thinks i'm being silly and that somehow this should not be effecting me so badly. She just can't understand why this all hurts me so. Needless to say, i've quit talking to her about anything. i hope she never has to go thru what i have these past 3 years. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy!

Thank you for responding so quickly. Through your process, did you ever feel like you would lose your freakin' mind dealing with it all? Funny, I never had a single problem with my son growing. up He never yelled at me, cursed at me, raised his voice, no run ins with police, no disrespect....nothing. I got all that from his sister at 16, but never with him, up until 3 years ago. i think that's why his attitude towards me is so baffeling and so painful. I keep going back through the years, wondering what i did to deserve this,.

Do you have any other words of wisdom for me? I need all of them I can get and talking really does help.

i'm new here and i can't figure out how to "Post" anything, so i'll just vent here. If someone could please tell me how to post here, i'd appreciate.:

My problem is not so different from yours, except that it involves my son. I feel your pain: experiencing the same kind of pain.

Today is December 19th. My only son is 29 today. He hates me! He declined Thanksgiving with the rest of his family. He declined the invitation to take him for a birthday dinner tonite. Now he has declined to spend Christmas with us. He said, "i just don't want to be there". I thought my heart would stop when I read that text. I have one other child, a daughter, and thank god i have her. My son started pulling away while in Jr. College. He lived at home, still, while he went to school, but there were weeks when we would not even see each other or speak, but i was always reassured because i knew he was in his room. When he decided to go to the University, out of town, I knew I'd rarely see him or speak to him again and i was right. That's been 3 years and he just gets emotionally, further and further away. He came to the house, while we were out, and left xmas gifts on the back door step. We had gifts for him too. He didn't even want to see us for the brief time to drop off gifts and he did not call to tell us he was coming. After 7 months all i wanted was to see his face and hear his voice. I've longed for those two things. This is the hardest and worst Christmas holiday i have ever lived through. I miss him so much. I have many regrets and i know i made many mistakes, i'm human, i can't take them back. I did the best i could as a single parent. now i'm being punished by the very person i love the most. it feels like my heart is broken. The grief gets so bad, sometimes, i feel like i could just die. I'm surprised that you can't die from a broken heart. you should: it hurts so much, but still, i live. I have pictures of my kids all over the house, but everytime I see one of his pictures, i burst into tears. maybe i should put most of them away so as not to be reminded of this pain. I know i'm not alone. How can I survive this pain??? I've endured alot in my life and come back to fight another daY, but this kind of hurt, goes right through your soul. I'll be 60 on the 23rd of Dec. I don't have alot of years left. My son hasn't remembered my birthday since he was a little kid, even though our birthdays are only 4 days apart. he was my xmas and b'day gift that year. I'll take any advice anyone has on how to survive this. Any suggestions????

You are not alone! Know that, but at 14 she needs to respect you, demand respect and common courtesy. Today's teenagers are rude and disrespectful and in school are taught that no one can spank them or it is child abuse. These children are having parents walking on egg shells, I am one of those parent. I am a single mom and my oldest just looked straight in my face flipping me off telling me she hates me and wishes I would die! It's not ok, she was tested for all her verbal abusive and is bipolar but will not take meads. She has made her choice so I make mine! She has to move. We have to hold our head up, stand up for what YOU believe and DO NOT ALLOW this ugliness especially when there are others affected. (siblings or elderly) my oldest will one minute yell hurtful things and curse and then laugh in my face, she has beat me up and not cared. I love her but I do not like her. She is in and out of jail and blames me! I have had many faults but if you allow your daughter to disrespect you now at 14 things will escalate! I drove my daughter to charter (mental hospital) when she was 15 and being there one day helped. There is also boot camp now that you can get them into. It at times, will break your heart but she will thank you. Good luck Mom stay positive, take charge and know always YOU ARE NOT ALONE.