Online Safety After the Foley Scandal
[Replies:
6]
Online Safety After the Foley Scandal
by Larry Magid
October 8, 2006
Reposted from an article by Larry Magid that first appeared on CBSNews.com
The scandal surrounding Congressman Mark Foley brings up a number of interesting issues when it comes to children and teen safety both on and off the Internet.
As a board member of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, author of that organization’s initial Internet safety materials and founder of SafeKids.com, I’ve had the opportunity to study predator behavior. My views, however, are my own and not necessarily those of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.
While former Congressman Foley’s hasn’t been accused of physical abuse, his alleged sexually suggestive emails and instant messages to underage boys have all the signs of classic grooming behavior. Regardless of whether the Congressman ever intended to carry out a physical relationship with these young people, his apparent communications are consistent with ways that predators try to help break down inhibitions of their victims and reveal their potential willingness to engage in a sexual relationship.
If this case has a silver lining, it is to help teens and their parents better understand how predators operate so as to avoid becoming victims.
One aspect of the case that’s relatively typical is that the adult and his alleged victims knew each other. While the Internet does make it easier for strangers to contact teens and children, it’s not uncommon for the predator and the child to be acquainted. A 1994 study by the University of New Hampshire Crimes against Children Research Center has shows that 70 to 90 percent of sexual abuse is committed by “persons known to the child.” Keeping children safe is not about “stranger danger.” It’s about protecting them against dangerous behavior.
That an in-person relationship would play out over the Internet is also no surprise. The internet has become the electronic meeting place for the younger generation and for anyone wishing to communicate with young people. The lines between the on and off-line words are increasing blurring and those who exploit children flock to the net because that’s where the children are.
Another common element to this story is that the alleged perpetrator was a respected member of society – someone who children and adults would likely trust. People who sexually abuse children come from all from all walks of life including clergy, police officers, coaches, teachers, doctors and public officials. That’s why many youth- serving organizations now have special programs to help prevent exploitation, including background checks on volunteers and staff who interact with children. But even background checks can’t uncover all potentially dangerous people. What we’ve also learned is that predators are not usually “scary” people. They are often people who appear to be very nice. They often have very positive qualities but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t capable of doing bad things.
Mr. Foley was one of Congress’s most outspoken advocates for protecting children against predators. He was co-chairman of the Congressional Missing and Exploited Children’s Caucus and an author of the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006. But there is a lesson there as well. A person’s position on issues – including protection of children -- has no bearing in either direction. People who speak out for the rights of children are neither more nor less likely to harm children. And like most adults, the overwhelming majority would never do anything to harm a child.
What children need to look out for is not a certain stereotype of a dangerous person but certain types of behavior. The former congressman’s alleged “overly friendly” emails are a perfect example. If an adult is communicating with a child in ways that seem inappropriate or odd, than there is a good reason for flags to go up. Apparently, at least some of the pages had this reaction to Foley’s communications and did the right thing by alerting others about behavior that made them feel uncomfortable.
Another common element in this case is the apparent unwillingness of Congressional leaders to confront Foley, urge him to seek treatment or inform law enforcement authorities if they had reason to believe that his activities were potentially illegal. That is often the case in both families and organizations. It’s not uncommon for family members to go into denial when there is evidence of abuse within the family. Even victims are often reluctant to come forward or confront their abuser not just for fear of reprisal but for fear of harming the abuser who they often love, despite their abusive actions.
Cordelia Anderson, a Minneapolis-based sexual prevention expert won’t comment on the specifics of the Foley case but does point out that it’s not uncommon for bystanders to remain silent in cases where they have reason to believe that sexual misconduct may have taken place. “One of the important messages missed over and over again is the power of bystanders of all ages,” she said. “If someone feels that someone’s behavior is not OK, they may not know what to do or say. They may minimize it because it’s easy to say something when it’s a horrible person but it’s hard when it’s someone we know and trust, but that’s very often the case.” Anderson, who has worked with a number of youth-serving organizations that have grappled with adult volunteers or staff accused of molesting children, says, “It’s not uncommon for people in these organizations to have trouble believing that one-of-their-own could be guilty of abusing a child.”
As terrible as this situation is, it does present a teachable moment for parents. This may be a good time to talk with your children about how to deal with dangerous and potentially predatory behavior. Ask them how they might handle a situation like this. The conversation might be uncomfortable but it could help better equip your child for something they could encounter down the road.
These conversations are especially important now that most children are spending an increasing amount of time online using email, instant messaging and social networking services. Children should be reminded not to engage in online discussions of a sexual nature with anyone, especially adults or people they don’t know. Kids and parents should know the warning signs of a potential predator including excessive praise, questions about what they’re wearing or what they’re doing or questions designed to determine whether their parents are nearby including “where’s the computer in the house?”
If you know of an incident where a child is being contacted by a sexual predator, contact your local police and report it to the National Center for Missing Children’s Cybertipline at www.cybertipline.com or by calling 1-800-843-5678. The Cybertipline can also be used to report pornographic images of children, online enticement of children for sex acts, molestation of children outside the family, sex tourism of children, child victims of prostitution, and unsolicited obscene material sent to a child.
I have more resources on my internet safety sites: SafeKids.com, SafeTeens.com and BlogSafety.com. There is also excellent advice at GetNetWise.org, NetSmartz.org and the Center for Safe and Responsible Internet use (csriu.org).
--
Larry
Co-director
BlogSafety.com
--
Edited by Larry at 10/08/2006 3:13 PM
by Larry Magid
October 8, 2006
Reposted from an article by Larry Magid that first appeared on CBSNews.com
The scandal surrounding Congressman Mark Foley brings up a number of interesting issues when it comes to children and teen safety both on and off the Internet.
As a board member of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, author of that organization’s initial Internet safety materials and founder of SafeKids.com, I’ve had the opportunity to study predator behavior. My views, however, are my own and not necessarily those of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.
While former Congressman Foley’s hasn’t been accused of physical abuse, his alleged sexually suggestive emails and instant messages to underage boys have all the signs of classic grooming behavior. Regardless of whether the Congressman ever intended to carry out a physical relationship with these young people, his apparent communications are consistent with ways that predators try to help break down inhibitions of their victims and reveal their potential willingness to engage in a sexual relationship.
If this case has a silver lining, it is to help teens and their parents better understand how predators operate so as to avoid becoming victims.
One aspect of the case that’s relatively typical is that the adult and his alleged victims knew each other. While the Internet does make it easier for strangers to contact teens and children, it’s not uncommon for the predator and the child to be acquainted. A 1994 study by the University of New Hampshire Crimes against Children Research Center has shows that 70 to 90 percent of sexual abuse is committed by “persons known to the child.” Keeping children safe is not about “stranger danger.” It’s about protecting them against dangerous behavior.
That an in-person relationship would play out over the Internet is also no surprise. The internet has become the electronic meeting place for the younger generation and for anyone wishing to communicate with young people. The lines between the on and off-line words are increasing blurring and those who exploit children flock to the net because that’s where the children are.
Another common element to this story is that the alleged perpetrator was a respected member of society – someone who children and adults would likely trust. People who sexually abuse children come from all from all walks of life including clergy, police officers, coaches, teachers, doctors and public officials. That’s why many youth- serving organizations now have special programs to help prevent exploitation, including background checks on volunteers and staff who interact with children. But even background checks can’t uncover all potentially dangerous people. What we’ve also learned is that predators are not usually “scary” people. They are often people who appear to be very nice. They often have very positive qualities but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t capable of doing bad things.
Mr. Foley was one of Congress’s most outspoken advocates for protecting children against predators. He was co-chairman of the Congressional Missing and Exploited Children’s Caucus and an author of the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006. But there is a lesson there as well. A person’s position on issues – including protection of children -- has no bearing in either direction. People who speak out for the rights of children are neither more nor less likely to harm children. And like most adults, the overwhelming majority would never do anything to harm a child.
What children need to look out for is not a certain stereotype of a dangerous person but certain types of behavior. The former congressman’s alleged “overly friendly” emails are a perfect example. If an adult is communicating with a child in ways that seem inappropriate or odd, than there is a good reason for flags to go up. Apparently, at least some of the pages had this reaction to Foley’s communications and did the right thing by alerting others about behavior that made them feel uncomfortable.
Another common element in this case is the apparent unwillingness of Congressional leaders to confront Foley, urge him to seek treatment or inform law enforcement authorities if they had reason to believe that his activities were potentially illegal. That is often the case in both families and organizations. It’s not uncommon for family members to go into denial when there is evidence of abuse within the family. Even victims are often reluctant to come forward or confront their abuser not just for fear of reprisal but for fear of harming the abuser who they often love, despite their abusive actions.
Cordelia Anderson, a Minneapolis-based sexual prevention expert won’t comment on the specifics of the Foley case but does point out that it’s not uncommon for bystanders to remain silent in cases where they have reason to believe that sexual misconduct may have taken place. “One of the important messages missed over and over again is the power of bystanders of all ages,” she said. “If someone feels that someone’s behavior is not OK, they may not know what to do or say. They may minimize it because it’s easy to say something when it’s a horrible person but it’s hard when it’s someone we know and trust, but that’s very often the case.” Anderson, who has worked with a number of youth-serving organizations that have grappled with adult volunteers or staff accused of molesting children, says, “It’s not uncommon for people in these organizations to have trouble believing that one-of-their-own could be guilty of abusing a child.”
As terrible as this situation is, it does present a teachable moment for parents. This may be a good time to talk with your children about how to deal with dangerous and potentially predatory behavior. Ask them how they might handle a situation like this. The conversation might be uncomfortable but it could help better equip your child for something they could encounter down the road.
These conversations are especially important now that most children are spending an increasing amount of time online using email, instant messaging and social networking services. Children should be reminded not to engage in online discussions of a sexual nature with anyone, especially adults or people they don’t know. Kids and parents should know the warning signs of a potential predator including excessive praise, questions about what they’re wearing or what they’re doing or questions designed to determine whether their parents are nearby including “where’s the computer in the house?”
If you know of an incident where a child is being contacted by a sexual predator, contact your local police and report it to the National Center for Missing Children’s Cybertipline at www.cybertipline.com or by calling 1-800-843-5678. The Cybertipline can also be used to report pornographic images of children, online enticement of children for sex acts, molestation of children outside the family, sex tourism of children, child victims of prostitution, and unsolicited obscene material sent to a child.
I have more resources on my internet safety sites: SafeKids.com, SafeTeens.com and BlogSafety.com. There is also excellent advice at GetNetWise.org, NetSmartz.org and the Center for Safe and Responsible Internet use (csriu.org).
--
Larry
Co-director
BlogSafety.com
--
Edited by Larry at 10/08/2006 3:13 PM
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